The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize