I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
