paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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