Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I could make wine with my vomit
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
