I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
