Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I would fuck him just for his dog
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My feet surprised me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
