Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
