Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
