hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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