i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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