The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
