Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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