at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My bed smells like the plague
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
