Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You need a sexual gate keeper
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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