Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
