We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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