I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
