Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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