Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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