dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
