I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
