I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
