my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
