Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
