I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
