She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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