we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
