You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
