awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize