I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
