I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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