As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
