hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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