mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We were destined to go to rehab together
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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