I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
