At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
