I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
