You're my little dorito
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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