the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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