you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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