I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
