I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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