I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
