why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
