Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
