i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
