Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Is it because I queefed?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
