think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
