I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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