Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
