i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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