I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
