i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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