he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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