I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize