You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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