you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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