Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
