Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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