Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
