Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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