I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You may now shotgun with the bride
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
