Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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