every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
