She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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