you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
