Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
