I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
