Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
