Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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