I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize