I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
