I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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