Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
