I think I won the penis lottery.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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