You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
