she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
In America we eat man semen.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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