I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
