It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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