just tell him i said nine months
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
