woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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