I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize