She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
