I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
