My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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