hell yes lets make some ravioli
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
