I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
