I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I can text with my tongue
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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