Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
