Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
