We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
