i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
