there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I love you. Go after that dick
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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