went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
