I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
