my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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