3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
