Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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