also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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