Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Houston, we have a blender
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
