is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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