Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
