I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
